


steady

by nicolecieux



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24191155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicolecieux/pseuds/nicolecieux
Summary: Ben, turning 12
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo
Kudos: 8





	steady

The fight about his messy room isn’t about his messy room (it’s about his fear to tell Dad he’s too depressed to give a fuck how gross and smelly it is); the fight about wanting to leave the couture shop on Chandrila isn’t about clothes (it’s about nothing fitting him the way he’s used to, he’s getting so tall and lanky and he hates the way he feels inside his body, he hates how his height draws the other patrons’ attention to him and what if they’re talking about him why wouldn’t they he’s such a Force-forsaken freak he doesn’t belong here and he’s so angry some of the tailor’s equipment starts shaking but Mom doesn’t notice and she is frustrated because WE’VE HAD THIS APPOINTMENT BOOKED FOR WEEKS and NO WE’RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU HAVE SOME TUNICS THAT FIT)

And the stinging behind his eyes when he opens the package Dad hands him on his 12th birthday isn’t because he doesn’t want this particular gift— hell, did he even ask for anything this year? He recalls Mom asking for a list every week until she gave up and made a passive-aggressive comment about asking a store clerk for suggestions.

No, the tears form because he can’t remember the last time he even mentioned calligraphy to them. He can’t remember (everything is hazier with each day) but he knows things were so simple back then (how long has it been?). He knows he spent hours trying to mimic the Old Alderaani in Mom’s library and how it made him feel connected to his grandparents and all the beings who used to communicate this way, without malfunctioning datapads he throws at the walls or the slow and squeaky words that come out of his mouth and make the adults laugh and his ears and cheeks flush red.

“Is this okay?” Dad blurts out. “You know— we got you other stuff, too, but we figured your old set was too…. small.” Ben throws his arms around his father, partly because he’s overwhelmed, and partly because he can’t stand to see Dad looking so uncomfortable.

The base of this set has sturdier wood, and the blades are sharp enough to almost be intimidating.

“I think it’s perfect,” Ben says. They really, really thought about me. 

Mom puts a hand on his shoulder. “Good,” she smiles, relieved, years falling from her face in a matter of seconds. “You’re hard to shop for, sweetheart.” She kisses the top of his head, almost needing to stand on her tiptoes.


End file.
